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Once In A Dream
By Mary ILP & Joni
41
Sarah felt her feet leave the ground as Paul carried her in his
strong arms over to the bed.Sarah wanted so much for him to make love
to her.There was only one thing on her mind as he laid her gently on
the bed.Paul's lips sought her as he laid down next to her.Paul ran
his fingers through her dark hair as there kiss became deeper.There
kiss broke as Sarah ran her hands down the soft fabric of Paul's silk
shirt."Sarah.....I want you so much."Paul said in a heavy
whisper.Sarah nodded as she looked up at him.His dark eyes drank her
in as he stared at her.The last thing he wanted was to confuse her
anymore as he looked at her.He was unable to pull away as he kissed
her once again.There tongues dancing softly inside each others
mouths.Paul's hand roamed over her still clothed body as he heard
her gasp softly under his touch.His lips ran over her neck as she
closed her eyes enjoying his touch.He was so warm and close to her as
he worked the buttons of her blouse.Sarah had never felt so loved, some
how she knew he loved her as he pulled her clothes off.Sarah wanted him
to make love to her so badly as she felt his hands resting on the middle
of her back.Suddenly she pulled away.The scar.....he was feeling that
awful, ugly, scar.Paul stoped as she sat up clucthing the sheet over her body."Paul.....no...Its so ugly."she said softly.Paul sat up next to her.
He reached over and stroked her cheek.Her dark hair was falling over face
as Paul looked at her."Sarah....don't you know?I don't think anything
could ever be ugly about you."Paul said softly.Sarah looked up at him.His
eyes held nothing but love as he looked at her.Sarah let him wrap his arms
around her once more as there lips met in another soft kiss.Sarah let
him touch her as he laid next to her.Paul stood up and removed his
clothes never takeing his eyes off of her.Nothing was going to stop
them this time as Paul took her back into his arms."I've wanted to
make love to you for so long."Paul said.
The two became lovers that night....Wrong or right.There love
could not be denied any longer.The two dident say they loved each other,
they dident have too......They both already knew that they were in love.
42
Sarah sat up looking down in the darkness at Paul's profile as he
lay sleeping next to her.She touched his cheek as he nestled closer
to her side.She loved him.She had always loved him.She knew it in her
heart that they had some how known each other.....long ago.Just like
the song that seemed to play over and over in her head.Sarah lay down
curling herself aginst his body.His arm wraped around her holding her
tightly and safly.She lay awake wondering if they had always been
lover.Some how she felt that she admired for a very long time.Sarah
closed her eyes leting sleep claim her.As she slept she dreamed of
him.They were walking in a beautiful park.There hands entwined as
they walked along watching children play.They smiled at one another
without saying a word they both knew how the other felt.Sarah awoke
to the sound of the phone cutting through room.Paul sighed loadly as
he picked up the phone.Sarah clutched the sheet around herself as she
watched Paul speak into the phone."Thanks....."Paul said as he hung
up the phone."Wake up call."Paul said as he rubbed his eyes with his
fingers.Sarah nodded shyly as she sat there looking at him.He had a
small grin on his face as he looked at her.Did she regret what they
had done? Paul asked himself as he looked at her.Her eyes were down
cast as if she had been caught doing something wrong."Are you
ok?"Paul asked as he reached for her hand.Sarah swollowed over the
lump in her throat as she looked at him.There eye met as they stared
at each other."Paul we were lover once......Weren't we?"Sarah asked
she had to know,what was it about this man that made her feel like
she knew him long ago.Paul looked away as he got up from the bed."No
Sarah.....I told you,I never knew you before."Paul said as he pulled
his pants on.Sarah closed her eyes was he lieing to her,was he trying
to spare her something bad that had happened between them."We should
get dressed,the plane will be leaving soon."Paul said as he sliped
his shirt on.Sarah nodded as she moved to get up.She was still shy
even thoe they had made love as she kept the sheet covering her nude
body.Paul sensed her shyness as he kept his back to her."I'll call
room service."Paul said as he cleared his throat.He waited until he
heard the bathroom door close before he turned around.He looked at
the closed door.Yes Sarah.....I was your lover once,but only in my
dreams he thought as he looked at the closed door.In one short
evening he and she had become lovers.Was it to soon....what would
happen when other memories came back to her.Would she be angry with
him for not trying harder to find someone who knew her.Paul knew in
his mind that there had to be some member of her family or a close
friend who was looking for her.Paul couldent let her go,not yet.He
wanted to love her for just a little longer.
43
Paul fliped open the lap top as the plane leveled off."I thought
maybe we could see about writing a nice little love song?"Paul said
as Sarah sat next to him.Sarah smiled at him as she leaned over to
watch him click the computer on."Paul....I'm not a writer."Sarah said
as she bit her lip.Gene shook his head."Now don't you worry about the
song writing leave that to us."Gene said with a nod from across the
isle.Sarah looked over at Gene and gave him a shy smile.Sarah turned
to look back at the computer screen.A picture of Paul holding a
little boy in his arms and smiling came up on the screen.Sarah
narrowed her eyes as she looked at the little blond boy with brown
eyes staring at her from the screen.Sarahs heart skiped a beat as
Paul continued to talk to her."Did you hear me?"Paul asked as he
looked at her staring at the screen.Sarah shook her head as she
turned to look at Paul."Whose little boy is this?"Sarah asked.Sarah
felt something tuging at her heart,almost as if she wanted to protect
the little boy that Paul was holding."Thats my son....Evan."Paul said
proudly as he looked at the screen saver.Sarah realized what he was
saying as she looked up at him."Your married...."Sarah said as she
felt a sharp pain in her heart as if it were breaking.Paul shook his
head as the smile left his face."I'm divorced....almost two years
now."Paul said softly.Sarah nodded "I'm sorry......He is a nice
looking young man."Sarah said in a far away voice as she turned away
from the computer to look out the window."Are you alright?"Paul asked
it was as if seeing the picture had brought up some sort of
memory.....Was it a good memory or another horrible one Paul wondered
as he looked at her staring out the window."I'm alright.....Just a
little tired."Sarah said trying to smile as she turned to look at
him.Paul smiled at her."Why don't you rest.....Gene and I can work on
this and show it to you later."Paul said as he patted her hand.Sarah
nodded as she leaned her seat back and closed her eyes.Paul and
Gene's voices faded as Sarah fell into restless sleep.As she slept
next to Paul she dreamed of two little boys......Sarah was smiling in
her sleep as she dreamed of sons.
44
"Sarah.....were landing."Paul said as he shook her shoulders
lightly.Sarah sat up as she startled at his touch."Sorry did I
frighten you?"Paul said with concern in his voice.Sarah had fear in
her heart as she looked at Paul.My children....my God had Brian done
something to them....Were they his children...."Paul...I was just
dreaming."Sarah said as she sat up in her seat.Everything inside of
her was twisted as she looked at him.Did Paul know her....what was it
he wasent telling her.Paul smiled at her as he reached for her
hand.Sarah swollowed over the lump in her throat.Should she ask him
once again.....What does he know about me?Paul laced his fingers
around hers as the plane landed on the runway.Paul glanced over at
her as she turned to look out the window."You asked about
Evan....Well your going to get to meet him.Pam....my ex wife is
bringing him to the show tomorrow."Paul said with pride.Sarah turned
to look at Paul he was smileing as he said the words."That will be
nice."Sarah said with a smile.Paul nodded as he looked at her."I
havent seen him in a while....Evan's going to love you."Paul said as
he brought her hand up and placed a soft kiss on the back of her
hand.Sarah nodded she was unable to speak.She wanted so much to trust
him....she loved him with all her heart,but why was she feeling so
frightend,why did she feel like something was missing that he hadent
told her.The plane landed and the group slowly made there way off the
plane.The sky was dark as everyone packed into a waiting van to take
them to the hotal.Sarah looked upset as Gene handed her a piece of
paper with music written on it."Have Paul play this for you....let me
know what you think?"Gene said giving her a smile.Paul looked at Gene
and shook his head."We can work on it tomorrow....Sarah's tired
Gene."Paul said.Paul could tell that something had upset her by the
look in her dark eyes.Sarah looked at the paper."I can't read
music..."Sarah said flatly as she handed the paper to Paul.Paul
nodded as he put his arm around her shoulder."Its alright....I'll
play it for you in the morning."Paul said as he folded the paper and
placed it in his pocket.Sarah nodded as she turned to look out the
window.....whare are my babies?she asked herself as she watched the
street lights pass by her window.
45
"Dad!"Evan shouted when he saw Paul waiting for him as he steped
off the plane the next day.Paul broke into a smile as his son let go
of his mothers hand and ran to him.Paul knelt down and wraped his son
into his waiting arms."I'm so happy to see you! I missed you!"Paul
said as he held his son.Pam waited till Evan and Paul had said there
hellos before walking over to stand next to Paul."Thanks for bringing
him out to me."Paul said as he stood up to look at his ex wife.Pam
nodded as she gave him a small smile."I'll pick him up after the
show."she said as she handed Paul Evan's back pack.Paul nodded as he
leaned in an placed a small kiss on her cheek.Pam knelt down and said
a quick good bye to Evan.Evan waved at his mother as Paul and he
stood there watching her leave."Come on lets go back to the
hotal."Paul said as he took Evan's hand in his.Evan smiled up at his
dad as they walked to the waiting limo.Evan talked none stop as the
limo made its way back to the hotal.Paul was happy to see his son,it
had been a while sense they had been together.Evan told his father
all about what he had been doing sense they were last together.Paul
listened as he watched his son.Paul was always happy when ever he
could spend anytime with Evan."I have someone I want you too meet
when we get to the hotal."Paul said after Evan had told everything
about school and home.Evan nodded as he squrimed in his
seat."Who?"Evan asked."A friend of mine her name is, Sarah."Paul said
as the limo stoped in front of the hotal.Evan nodded as he took
Paul's hand and the two got out of the back of the limo.
Sarah was sitting at the table in the hotal room looking over the
words to the song that Gene and Paul were writing for her.She looked
up when she heard the door open.She heard the child's laughter before
she saw him.Sarah could feel her heart in throat as she turned around
to see Paul standing in the door way holding Evan's hand."Sarah....I
want you to meet my son,Evan....Evan this is my friend ,Sarah."Paul
said smiling as he spoke from the door way.Sarah looked from the boy
to Paul as she sat there in the chair.Paul could see the color
draining from Sarah's face as she looked at Evan."Hi"Evan said
giveing Sarah a big smile.Sarah closed her eyes as a picture of the
two boys she had dreamed of flashed in her mind."Sarah are you
alright?"Paul asked with concern in his voice.Sarah nodded as she got
up from her seat.Paul could see that she was a bit shaky as she stood
up."Hi Evan..."Sarah manged to get out as she clutched the back of
the chair for support."Evan how about I take you over to see
Doc..."Paul said as he placed his hands on Evan shoulders and guided
him out the door."I'll be right back....."Paul called over his
shoulder.He could tell that for some reason seeing Evan had upset
her.Sarah took a deep breath as she felt tears sting her eyes.Whare
are my children?she asked herself.
Paul returned to the room a few minutes later to find Sarah sitting
on the sofa.Her feet were tucked under her and she was clutching a
throw pillow to her chest.Paul could tell that she had been
crying."Sarah....did you remember something?"Paul asked as he walked
over and sat down next to her.Sarah nodded as she looked at Paul."I'm
a mother....."Sarah said softly.Paul was stunned for a moment as he
looked at her tear stained face."Sarah....."Paul said as he reached
for her wrapping her into his arms.Sarah let him hold her as she
buried her head into his chest.Paul could feel her shaking as she
cried for the children she had seemed to have lost.Were they Brian's
children....Paul wondered as he stroked her long dark hair."I'll help
you find your kids....."Paul said softly.So many things were going
through Sarah's mind as she cried.Did he already know whare her
children were.....Sarah couldent shake the feeling that Paul knew her
before......
46
Paul rubbed his eyes as he looked at the computer screen.He shook
his head as he looked over at the bed whare Sarah lay sleeping.It had
been a long day.It was almost as if Sarah mind had hit over load with
the memory of her children.Paul was glad that she had fell
asleep.This was getting him no whare as he looked at the computer
screen.Nothing was there for him to work with.Paul looked at his
watch.It was almost time for them to be leaving for the show.Paul
heard the soft knock at the door just as he closed the lid of his lap
top.Paul looked over to make sure the soft knock hadent awoke
Sarah.She still slept soundly.Paul crossed the room and opened the
door."The cars here....."Gene said as he looked through the small
crack in the door."Thanks....I'll be right down."Paul said as he
closed the door.Paul walked over and kissed Sarah lightly on the
cheek as she slept.Paul scribbled a quick note on a scrap of paper
and left the room.Doc was standing outside his room holding on to
Evan's hand."Hi Dad!"Evan said happily as Paul walked to the
elavator.Paul smiled as he took Evan's hand."Hey buddy....Did you
have fun with Doc?"Paul asked.Doc nodded as he fell into step with
them."Yeah we played video games....and ate ice craem!"Evan said."Is
Sarah alright?"Doc asked as they steped onto the elavator."She is
sleeping...."Paul had exsplained everything to Doc earlier."Thanks
for looking after Evan...."Paul said as the door closed.
Sarah could feel the wetness of her tears on her face as she awoke
from her dream.....Her children had been calling to her.Sarah sat up
in the bed.She let her eyes focus in the dark room.It was late as
Sarah looked around.Paul must be at the concert she thought as she
got up from the bed.Sarah looked down noticing she was still in her
clothes.What a terrible dream....she thought as she crossed the room
turning on lights as she went.Sarah looked at the note laying next to
the computer.'Be back soon.Love Paul' Sarah read the note.Sarah laid
the note back down with a sigh.She wondered if he had found any
information yet as she looked at the computer.Sarah bit her lip as
she eyed the black lap top laying on the table.She wondered if Paul
would mind as she ran her hands over the lid of the lap top.Sarah
shook her head.She had to find out....she had to know whare her
children were.Sarah slowly fliped the lap top open.She turned on the
computer and waited for the screen saver to come up.She swollowed
over the lump in her throat as she looked at the picture of Paul and
Evan.The icons appeared.She clicked on one of the icons.Maybe there
was something she could find to tell her whare they were.She couldent
shake the feeling that Paul knew something he wasent telling her.In
the short time they had been together they had become
lovers.....Sarah coulent help thinking that they were lover some how
before thoe.The file opened up as Sarah watched.Right before her eyes
came a photo of a painting.Sarah narrowed her eyes as she looked at
the picture.My God the painting was of her....Paul did know her....He
had been lieing to her all this time.Sarah cupped her hand over her
mouth as she felt her stomach begin to churn.
47
Sarah sat waiting in the hotal room for Paul to return.She wondered
if it would be the right thing to confront him or should she
wait....Whare would she go.....She had the feeling of being traped as
she thought about what she had seen on the screen.What had happened
to her besides forgetting her children there still were so many holes
in her mind.Did Paul know about them?Why wasent he telling her about
what he did know?Why would he keep it from her what ever she was
forgetting?Sarah choked back the last of her tears as she heard the
door open softly behind her.She laid down on the sofa an quickly
closed her eyes.....Acting like she was asleep would save her from
having to face him and confront him at least until morning.Sarah
heard his soft footsteps as he walked over to the sofa.Paul looked
down at her....If Sarah would have looked up at him at that moment
she would have seen nothing but love reflected in his dark eyes.She
felt his hands as he stroked her hair as he looked at her.She heard
his low voice saying "I love you.....always I've loved you."he said
in a whisper as he knelt down next to the sofa to look at her.Sarah
felt him pick her up in his arms.He carried her to the bed that they
shared.......Sarah felt him lay her down and cover her with the
comforter.The sheets were cool on her skin as she felt the bed sag as
Paul climbed in next to her.His arms wrapped around her as she opened
her eyes.She snuggled close to him as she thought about what he had
said 'Always I've loved you'He said as if he had known her all of her
life.She knew him she could feel him in her heart....He would never
hurt her,he only wanted to love her.Sarah felt his lips as they
brushed her forhead.A sweet soft kiss of someone who loved her with
all of his heart and soul.Sarah looked up at him in the darkness.Paul
could see her eyes shining in the darkness as she looked at him.Do
you know me?she wanted to ask but dident she only stared at him."I'm
sorry if I woke you...."Paul said softly.Sarah nodded "Its
ok...."Sarah said as she buried her head in his chest wanting to have
him even closer to her.She was so confused, part of her wanted to
push him away and the other part of her wanted him so badly she
hurt. Sarah placed a soft kiss on his chest as her fingers entertwinded
around the soft hair that covered his chest.A soft moan escaped Paul's
lips as her lips trailed fire over his chest."Make love to me..."Sarah
said softly as she kissed him.Paul lay next to her breathing in her scent.
How beautiful she was as she stared at him in the darkness.....they became
one.She felt like a dream in her arms....A dream he had had so many
times....Sarah laid in Paul's arms after there love making.He stoked
her hair as she fell asleep in his arms."I love you Sarah.....I'm
going to find your children for you I promise...."she heard him say
as she drifted into her dreams.
48
The audience was going wild as the band played.Sarah looked on from
the wings of the stage.She was a little nervous as she bit her
lip.Paul,Gene and Doc had convinced her to sing a song on stage.She
knew that soon Paul would be calling her on to the stage.Sarah felt
Doc's hand on her shoulder and turned to look at him."Your going to
do great!"Doc said giving her a wink.Sarah shook her head as she
looked back at the crowd of people."Hey People.....We have a suprise
for you tonight!"Paul shouted into the mic as Sarah looked on.She
knew that it was almost time as she smoothed out the silk dress she
wore."We have new singer.....her name is Sarah and she is going to
sing a little song for you!"Paul shouted as he swept his hands over
the audience.Sarah made eye contact with Paul as he looked over at
her.He motioned for her to come out on the stage.Sarah shook her head
as she heared the load cries of boo."Come on....."Paul mouthed to her
as she shook her head.Doc placed his hand on the middle of her
back."Sarah....they won't be booing for long.....Just go on out
there and sing."Doc said as he inched her towards the stage.Sarah
swollowed over the nervous lump in her throat as she walked towards
Paul.Paul took her hand in his giving it a small squeeze."Now Sarah's
going to sing a little song for you....."Paul said as he handed her
the mic."You can do it...."Paul said in a low voice as he let go of
her hand.Sarah looked out at all the people.Her head began to spin as
she took a deep breath.She was to shy to this.....Sarah opened her
mouth.....and the words to the song tumbled out of her.It was as if
she had left her body and was watching herself as the audience stoped
booing.....They were all looking at her as she sang the sweet love
song Gene and Paul had wrote for her.The crowd seemed a millon miles
away as she sang....they were forgotten as she focused on Paul who
stood across from her strumming his guiter.Through his star child
make up she could see his eyes smiling at her.....giving her the
encourgement she needed......
Grace Walters was sipping her coffee as she packed her daughters
lunch."Hey Mom!"Grace heard her daughter call from the living
room.Grace was hardly a morning person as she whinced at her childs
exsited voice."KISS is on MTV!"Kathy called. Grace sat down her
coffee to go and see her favorite band on tv.Grace stood in the door
way of the living room stareing at the tv.Grace felt like she had
just been slaped as she stared at the tv screen.Sarah was standing on
stage with KISS singing a sweet love song.The announcer was saying
something about a new singing sensation.....What the hell was going
on here Grace wondered as she crossed the living room to get a closer
look at the tv."That woman looks like your friend....Sarah!"Kathy
said with a laugh.Grace looked at her daughter...."That is my friend
Sarah...."Grace said.......
49
Grace sighed as she held the phone to her ear in one hand and the
remote to the vcr in the other."Pick up....."Grace said as she waited
for someone to pick up the phone.Grace studied the snipet of the
woman singing that she had recored on tv.The woman even sounded like
Sarah!Someone picked up the phone on the other end as Grace pushed
the mute button on the remote.'Hello....'the woman answered sounding
out of breath.'Yes...is Jack there?'Grace asked as she turned her
attention to the phone call.'Hang on...let me see if I can catch
him.'the woman said.Grace heard the phone clank as it was sat
down.Grace drumed her fingers on the counter as she waited for Jack
to pick up the phone.'This is Jack Moodey....'the voice said as Grace
turned to look back at the tv.'Jack this is Grace Walters.....Sarah's
friend.'Grace said.'Hi Grace....'Jack said,she was probably calling
to ask if he had any news on Sarah.'Jack this is going to sound crazy
but I think I saw Sarah on tv.'Grace said as she looked back at the
tv.Jack shook his head as he wondered if this was another dead
end.'Whare on tv?'Jack asked with a loud sigh.'Your not going to
beleive this but....I saw her singing on stage with KISS."Grace said
as she realized how insane it sounded.Jack was silent as he held the
phone.He would have laughed at this any other time....he knew how
Sarah's KISS friends could get a little nuts.After all anybody who
could sit and talk about a band for hours had to be a little
crazy.'Grace....I have to get to work.'Jack said as he went to click
the cordless phone off.'Wait Jack....Listen,I swear its her!She is
singing on stage.It even sounds like her!'Grace said trying to talk
fast before Jack hung up.Jack wrinkled his brow as he thought for a
moment....When he and Sarah had first met she had said she always
wanted to be a singer.....Had she left to follow her dreams.Jack
rubbed his head as he held the phone.'Jack are you there?'Grace asked
wondering if he had hung up.'Whare is KISS playing next?'Jack asked
slowly.'Miami.....I just ordered my tickets....I'll be on the next
flight.'Grace said hopeing that Jack would come and help her find
Sarah.'I'll meet you there....'Jack said as he hung up the phone.Jack
wanted to see for himself and if it was Sarah....He wanted to bring
her home........
50
Grace Walters stood in the crowd holding her cell phone to her
ear."I'll be home in a few days!"she shouted over the load noise of
the crowd.She nodded her head as she listened to her ex husbend on
the other end of the phone.Grace's eyes darted around looking for
Jack Moody.Sarah had sent a photo of Jack to Grace before so she knew
who she was looking for.Sarah hurridly said a good bye when she saw a
tall man with slightly graying hair looking lost in the crowd.Grace
shoved her cell phone into her purse as she waved at the man.Jack
looked at the the woman coming towards him she looked to be in her
mid thirties.She had long dark hair and was wearing black dress
belted at the waist."Are you Jack Moodey?"Grace shouted as she pushed
her way towards him through the den of people.Jack nodded "You must
be Grace!"Jack said as he looked at her.Grace nodded "Yes....Grace
Walters....."Grace said loadly as she took his hand to guild him
towards the front of the stage.Grace could tell that Jack was a
little nervous in this kind of a sitting by the way he looked around
at all the people fighting to get towards the front of the
stage.Grace turned to look back at Jack."I hate open seating!"she
said shaking her head.Jack nodded as he watched her pushing her way
to the stage.He could tell she knew her way around at these
exspos.Jack looked at the people,they all seemed to be from another
planet some of them were dressed as there favorite KISS member.People
were shouting at each other and music was blaring from load
speakers.This was Sarah's world not his,Jack thought to himself as
Grace stoped at the front of the stage.Grace let go of Jack's hand
and turned to him."I heard that Sarah would be singing tonight,from
one of the stage hands I was talking to.....Its her alright!He said
that was her name Sarah!"Grace said as she looked at Jack.Jack's
heart began to pound maybe this wasent a dead end,Jack thought as he
looked up at the KISS logo hanging over the stage.The lights went
down as a slow hum came over the dark room.......All eyes in the
crowd looked towards the stage as people begen to chant KISS....."You
wanted the best you got the best!The hottest band in the
World....KISS!" the voice boomed as the stage lit up and the four who
are one took the stage.The crowd went crazy around Jack including
Grace.Jack stood next to the stage watching the band that his wife
loved so much......He took it all in still not really understanding
all of it.....Jack waited as they played song after song....He
watched as the demon drooled his blood and breathed fire.......He
watched as the Star Child floated over the crowd to sing 'Love
Gun'....Whare was Sarah....would he see her,would this be the night
that she dident come out on the stage.Jack was almost ready to give
up hope when Paul shouted into the mic."We have a little suprise
tonight!"the crowd began to scream as Paul introduced his "Good
friend Sarah....."word of mouth had traveled about the woman that was
singing with KISS,everyone began to shout and clap as Sarah steped
from the wings of the stage and walked out onto the stage.Grace
grabed the sleeve of Jack's jacket as she looked at Sarah standing
there......It was almost like a dream for Jack as he watched his wife
begin to sing.....Her voice was clear and strong as she held the mic
and sang the soft love balled......Jack couldent stand there any
longer as he rushed the stage.....It was only a second before a
sucurity gaurd wrestled him to the ground."Thats my wife!"Jack
protested as the gaurd yanked him by the coller.Grace let out a
scream as she tried to tell the gaurd that Jack was on the
level."Yeah right lady!"one of the gaurds said.Jack and Grace were
both escorted from the show.....
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